Do I Make You Proud?
by navycorpsman
Summary: TJ has followed Trevor’s shoes and joined the Army. He is fighting a war you input any country you want the war to be in and sends a letter home to Trevor about the war and his thoughts on duty.


**Title: DO I MAKE YOU PROUD  
****Author: navycorpsman  
****Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, but I wouldn't mind own Brig. General Holden or PFC LeBlanc…I'd even take Sgt. Moran:)  
****The story is based on the song "Do I Make You Proud?" by Taylor Hicks  
****Spoilers: Not that I'm aware of. It's a little AU…  
****Content Warning: None  
****Summary: TJ has followed Trevor's shoes and joined the Army. He is fighting a war (you input any country you want the war to be in) and sends a letter home to Trevor about the war and his thoughts on duty.**

* * *

Dear Dad,

I wish I had good news. I'm alive…so I guess that's good. Things here are tough. The war rages on and it seems that there is no end in sight. I can remember thinking about you at war, wondering what it was like and now I know. Now I understand, all these years later, why you were so anxious to return. Did you know that I can remember that? It seems like every day there is yet another bombing and another casualty.

Sunday, Lucas Moran was killed by a sniper. It must be so hard for Ms. Pamela and Mr. Chase to lose their son. The hard part was going back on patrol the next day, knowing my best friend was KIA by some stupid r…I know what the guys here call them, but I can't bring myself to call them that name. It was some fool who doesn't understand what we're there for.

Do wars ever really change? Isn't this the same war that you fought fifteen years ago, but the land has changed? What does war accomplish? Death is ever present here and you never forget that any moment your number may come up and you're the next one gone.

It's still hard to believe that Luke is gone. I went to ask him about Katie and realized that he wasn't there. The tent seems quiet without him. Several times…in basic training, AIT School, and even preparing for combat…we talked a lot about death and whether or not it would call us. There was a moment that I wanted to drop my gun and run to his side, but that would have gone against my training.

It's hard to want to make sure Luke is okay. With every gunfight, I feel the anger towards the enemy for killing my brothers in arms. There are times that the anger gets to be too much. I still have Harry here. He helps me deal with the anger as much as I help him deal with it. But, it's still too much sometimes. I wish I knew how to control it at times. Like yesterday.

We were on patrol when I caught sight of a man in the streets close to where Luke and Joseph were killed, it took all my will power not to kill him. The anger over losing my friends was so powerful that I wanted to just take out everyone that was close to the area…women and children too. That's wrong. Very wrong. Even I know it. But we all felt it. I think had it not been for Jeremy Sherwood, we may have lost all control and the media would have had a field day.

SFC Sherwood has been here before. He knows combat like no one else here and he remains calm, which calms us down. He's a great Platoon Sarge and he has our respect. There are times I do question what we're doing here.

But, I understand what I signed up for. When I held up my hand, I knew. I knew that it wasn't too long before I was sent to fight a war. And I'm proud to. I'm proud to do my duty and to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. I am proud of what I do. I can't seem to emphasis that enough.

As I sit here and write this, I have that picture of you and me and Finn when you came home after being shot. Finn and I look ridiculous in our mini digi's, but now…now I wear them with pride. When you wore yours, I wanted to be like you. You always looked important. When you first became our dad, we didn't know or understand what your job was, but Finn and I both wanted to be just like you. Now I am. Now I'm just like you. I can hold my head up high and am proud of who I am and what I do.

We've been reading about the protestors back in the States. Idiots, but it's like you told me once: The ones that despise you simply for wearing the uniform are the ones that you must fight your hardest to protect. Duty. That's what it is. It is my duty to protect them. To continue what you started. I don't think they understand. I think that they believe I have a choice in this. Well, I suppose I did. I had the choice to join and I don't regret for one moment that I made that choice. None of them are standing here, protecting these people. They're too busy being pushovers. At least, that's how I see it.

I don't think they realize the I long for peace MORE than they do. When I think of what I have sacrificed for them…for you…for Katie…for Mom…for the world…I long for peace in the world more than those protestors do. We use the articles and pictures for target practice.

However, every night, as I lay on my cot, I feel blessed to be able to serve when so many can't. (or won't) I feel fortunate to be able to be one of the honorable and dutiful to protect the innocent and the weak. To stand up and fight for you and Mom. To protect Katie and all we have in the US. To protect Finn. However, I know one day, I'll be able to fight alongside Finn and we'll protect what you taught us to protect.

Dad, there are times that I miss a hot shower, mom's cooking (it's sad to say, but you know as well as I do, her cooking beats Army chow ANY day! Especially when we have to eat cardboard…oops! I mean, MREs.). I miss Katie and I most certainly miss sleeping in a warm comfortable bed to sleep in without fear of a mortar hitting camp. (I think the first thing I'm going to do when I get home is sleep for weeks on end! Of course, you already know about that.)

Last night, it felt like the 4th of July with the mortars and gun rounds going off. We did what we always do in a mortar attack: grab our gear, guns, and head for the shelter. We had two casualties and numerous injuries. They ranged from minor (I got a cut on my forearm from some shrapnel as I ran to the mortar shelter) to serious (Tim Kristof may lose a leg.)

I can't tell Mom any of this. She's never been one of us. She doesn't understand our job…our duty. She never has. How do you write your mom, telling her of things she has never seen or ever did? I know you'll understand. I know it's about duty and honor. Honor and duty. You can not have one without the other. You told me that. I don't think I'd have it any other way.

I must go for now….this letter isn't the type of letter one should send home…but then again…so few of us have dads that know our exact experience. I am so thankful that I have a dad that understands what I am thinking and feeling at any and every given moment.

Even so, I must close. I hate to think of what Mom would think if she ever found this letter. Give her my love. Please also extend my sympathies to Ms. Pamela and Mr. Chase. I'll send a letter to them when I get the chance.

I love you and I hope I've made you proud.

Your son,

Pvt. T.J. Le Blanc

* * *


End file.
